(53/53)
~*~
Ahh…
Final entry for this project. It feels really good. I just went back and read through every one of the 53 posts. I knew that at the end I would feel nostalgic, but I never expected just how proud I would feel. The happiness is coming off of the screen. I don’t know if I’m the only one who can feel it, but it’s enough that I do.
It’s important that this isn’t listed as the end. As I mentioned before, this is just a shift. This project is over, but new ones will come. Growing and creating new things… Finding myself again… In the end, that’s what this project was all about. Was it successful? I truly believe so. As it stands, the running list I keep on my phone entitled “Project Ideas” is at 67, and growing every day. I’m in a near-constant state of inspiration. It is a feeling that had left me incredibly hollow in its absence - I wasn’t myself. And getting back to me, when I had completely lost who I was, was crucial to being happy again.
And I am happy.
Everyone has their ups and downs. I’ve had mine, and I will continue to have them. It’s just the way life works. But we’re able to get through the downs by securing safe places along the way. Those people, physical locations, activities, or thoughts that make the chaos disappear and allow us to center ourselves again. For the longest time I looked for that safe place in someone else, but in the last year I learned to look to myself for that safety. For that strength. Ultimately, for that happiness.
People can leave. Money inevitably disappears. Artificial stimulants wears off. Even the very best of armors can fail. What matters is what’s inside you. Your heart, your mind, your confidence, your strength. When the world is rearing to attack, you want to be able to look up with a fierce determination. You want to tell it that you’ll live. That you won’t be beaten. To give you all its got, with a twinkle in your eye.
Sometimes it hurts real bad, and you’re not sure if it’ll ever be ok. There is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent this, and it will surely knock you flat onto the ground. But the point is to keep getting up. Sometimes you get a hand up, sometimes you get a kick in the face. But you have to keep getting up. And eventually, you’ll look up to see things differently. The colors will shift and the air will feel crisp and you’ll laugh because, holy shit, you got through it! And then you’ll get through the next one. And then they won’t look like obstacles, but challenges. And then you’ll find yourself creating new challenges for yourself, just to flex your muscles… to see how far you can go. And then you’ll look back and see how far you’ve gone and feel proud.
You’ll feel real fucking proud.
And you won’t stop there because it feels so good. So you’ll turn around and keep going, this time with a smile on your face and a lightness in your step, and remember that this was just one day. All the days before led to this. And really, you can’t wait for all the days that will come after it.
